Dear [People],
I would like to inform you all of something important
that is happening in my life. Over the past several years I have been
intensely exploring who I am.
I have gender identity disorder meaning I was born
with a male body, but I have a female gender identity. It's something
I've dealt with for as long as I can remember, mostly by trying to
pretend it was not there. Growing up was hard enough, but I also had
to deal with growing up in a way that felt completely and utterly
wrong. I pretended that I really was a guy from skin to soul, and
actually ended up doing a pretty good job of it, for the most part.
I made some friends and even had a few girlfriends, granted one of
them dumped me for not being enough of a boyfriend. But it all felt
hollow to me. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw a strangers
face and not my own. Whenever I tried to have a relationship my gender
issues kept getting in the way. I felt like I was living a stunted
existence.
Something had to break, and in April of 2006, I finally
admitted to myself that continuing to run from the fact would only
make things worse. Of course, by acknowledging that, I had just cast
my entire future into doubt. How was being transgender going to affect
my family? What about my friends? My job prospects? I didn't have
any answers at first, but after months of late night conversations
with my friends, I finally laid most of my fears to rest. With their
support I decided that the only way for me to be at peace with myself
was to transition from male to female.
To understand transgender people, you need to understand
the concept of gender identity. It is an unfamiliar term to most people
because it’s something that the vast majority of people never
have to think about. The gender between your ears is the same as the
one on your birth certificate, and that’s that. For transpeople,
things are not so simple. There’s a disconnect between the way
that we see ourselves and the role we’re expected to play by
society. When we inevitably end up acting in like ‘tomboys’
or ‘sissies,’ we end up getting ostracized by our peers.
To make things even worse, during puberty we end up changing in ways
that make us feel like our own body is betraying us.
Thankfully there is a way for a transpeople to live
reasonably normal lives: transition. It’s a process that tends
to get glossed over by the media as ‘getting a sex change,’
equating the surgery at the end to the process itself, but this not
only trivializes the experience, it misses the point. Transpeople
do not just go out and ‘get a sex change,’ as if they
were getting a facelift or a boob job. Transition is an extremely
long process, with a duration measured in years. Typically, transition
begins with seeing a psychotherapist for an extended period followed
by hormone replacement therapy, allowing the transitioner to gradually
slip into the gender role they identify with. Think of it as a second
puberty, only this time with professional supervision. It’s
usually only after someone has been living in their desired gender
role for a year or more that they opt for sex reassignment surgery.
And even then, many people don't get it done, either because they
don't see it as necessary, or because they can't afford it.
I've been in transition since the spring of 2006.
I have been to a therapist and have been taking female hormones since
September of 2006. The physical changes that have occurred have been
striking, to me anyways. My skin has softened, my body fat has shifted
into more typically feminine locations, and my face has taken on a
more feminine shape. But far more subtle and far more satisfying have
been the psychological changes. I feel freer and much more relaxed
now. For the first 21 years of my life, it was as if I had to filter
out everything about me that was not masculine in order to fit in.
It took a lot of the color and spontaneity out of life. But now I
have shed the filter, and finally meet the world on my own terms.
So since I have transitioned to female I have also
legally changed my name to Lilly [Last Name]. So, I would appreciate
it if, from now on, you would call me Lilly and use feminine pronouns
when referring to me. If you slip up, it's no big deal; I will just
give you a little reminder. The wrong pronoun can end up outing me
in some instances, though, so I do ask that you make an effort. I
know, it will be a little weird at first. I am still the same person,
though. Just think of all this as a new take on an old friend.
And now it's time for me to step off my soapbox.
If you have any questions that I haven't covered in this letter, please,
don't hesitate to ask. And one more thing: thank you. While not everyone
was in the loop over the last few years, my relationships with all
of you have still been a huge source of strength and support for me.
It really is amazing. Life is just so good now, and
it gets better with each passing day.
The Following is a link to a great pamphlet better
explaining everything, if you still have any questions after feel
free to email me back, I will be glad to answer any and all serious
questions you might have.
www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/OTC_5thedition.pdf